A slave

I thought for the next few posts, I will share some of the emails that have been sent to me. This one is particularly creepy  interesting....

please consider this

I would offer myself to you as your slave, and I would do anything you say, from cleaning for you, cooking, doing ur dishes, laundry, rubbing ur feet,giving you pro massages since I am a massage therapist, carry your bags ,has nothing to do with sex but my reason behind all this is because I want to follow my nature as I realized that I am really submissive. It will be all about you and you don't have to feel attached to me at all...I just want to serve you. Feel free to be a total b it ch, demanding and selfish cause this is all about what you want. Remember I am a massage therapist as well so I could also spoil you with massages every week. Anything can be negotiated and we can work out details, this is just a short message to explain how I feel and how could u benefits from having me at your feet.

Uhhh... A Man?

Hello there ,

Im sure my message came to you as a surprise but nothing to be surprise I was about given up looking for love and true friend but a friend of mine said that there is still that special man out there and any step I take im one step close to him and if that is true then im not giving up any more I keep searching and you? 

I found you page interesting although I dont believe in what people write on their page I prefer to get to know someone personally by asking questions and spending time together ,what do you think ?

..any way my name is Zainab looking around on here for that special man I hope that i will get lucky to meet him ,Im on here seeking a sincere and loving friend who we will have a wonderful time together and fall in love with each other Im not not seeking perfect man because no one is perfect or either a rich man someone that he is rich in his heart I hope you seek the same , I will like to get acquainted with you I hope you dont mind ?...

i hope to read from you soon

My reply:

I’m curious why you wrote me? You are seeking a soul mate, and the love of your life, but you're seeking a man. I'm not sure where I fit into your search?

Leg Cramps, Ducati's, Messy Eater

That title sounds bad.  Oh well,  this is the story of "Dave"

He couldn't find parking, (not another one), I live in a really populated part of Vancouver, where tourists and suburbanites frequent on hot days. There is valet parking ($7 for the day) I had a spot in the back of my building that was a freebie.  I reluctantly told him my address and to meet me in the back.   He pulled up in his beat up pathfinder, we exchanged "hello's" Dave said, "oh you look like your pictures - good".

We went to a little hotel patio, for a drink and some lunch.  We found a table, (in the shade), we ordered our drinks, and looked at the menu.  As Vancouverites know, Stanley Park is full of bikes on a hot day, Harley's, Ducati's, street bikes, scooters, all of 'em.  Dave had a particular liking to Ducati's, so much so that every time one passed by he stopped talking.  We had lots of stops and starts to our conversation.

Lunch was ordered, the shade was getting chilly, so we decided to move tables.  The server was great, she quickly changed over the table was wiping it down, when Dave got a little upset, she was wiping and some of the crumbs landed on his jeans - he told her.  Me being in the service industry, tried to smooth it over with the waitress, "sorry, thank you so much".  Our food arrived, my sandwich and his burger.  Dave dug in!  When I looked over at him, he had mustard and ketchup running down his hands, he was licking it off of himself.  I put my head down, and tried to ignore, the disgusting show of manners before me.

Once the burger was almost destroyed, he started fidgeting, and straightening his leg, kind of looking like a spaz.  He said to me "Leg Cramp!!"  He stood up and stretched up against the wall, (his back to me),  I calmly replied, "do what you need to do, maybe walk it off?" I kept on eating my lunch. Dave came back a few minutes later, asked how my sandwich was, and asked to "have a bite?"  Awkwardly, I passed him the untouched part of my sandwich, he took the biggest bite, pretty much a 1/3 of the second half.  More Ducati's, more pauses in conversation.

The bill came, I paid for my own of course.  He had some cash and put his money down, the amount left for the waitress with his cash was about $2 our bill was about $35.  I quickly pulled out $6 for the server, he said to me, "wow, that's alot, she's just waitress"  I replied to Dave "clearly you've never worked in customer service before"  This date was sooo over.  Walking back to the car he said to me " I feel like a bit of a..... Ducati went by, pause,  spaz today"

Once we were at his car I promptly said with a friendly slap to the arm "nice meeting you"

Here's Johnny!

Yesterday afternoon, I met Joe - he is originally Jonathan, but he goes by "Joe", I chose to call him Johnny.

We met yesterday around 5 pm, casual drink down the road.

Pictures - check, he looked them.
Age - check 38.
Build - check. Height was right.

We sat down, casual banter....

He makes alot of money
He's lucky to be so comfortable.
He owns a place but sold it - post break up.
He has a great job.
He used to play professional squash.
He works less and makes more.
He's moving downtown.

I ordered a glass of Malbec.  Him, Pinot Blanc.

He heli ski's
He has friends who are canucks
He only works a few hours.
He was a professional squash player.
He travels to play squash, it paid for.
He's English.
He's only works a few hours, but makes the $$.
He's moving to Yaletown.

Here's Johnny.

Needless to say, it was quick, a glass of wine.  All I can say is post break up.  Best of Luck Johnny.

The 8 minute date

Yes, it was an 8 minute date.

This gentleman, lets call him "Darren", owns a renovation company here in Vancouver.  We met online and chatted very briefly through emails, before we moved to the phone.  He was somewhat new to the computer as everything he WROTE WAS IN CAPS!  I thought it was best to see what Darren had to say on the phone as, the computer wasn't his forte.  He was in his early 40's, his pictures looked good.

Let me just state, that voices - to me-  really say alot about a person, Darren sounded a bit rough, educated, alpha - which I like.  We chatted about random things, to online dating, to past relationships, family etc.  So far seemed ok.  Then it switched gears after a few calls, he started asking what I wore to bed?  How much sex is healthy in a relationship to me, if I was into anything kinky?  These are the kind of things, that on the phone and in person make me uncomfortable.  I'm not a prude, but intimacy is intimacy.  Call me crazy, but I don't like to discuss intimacy until I see the person in real life.  During one of these phone calls, he told me he was naked, lying in bed....ummm.... really uncomfortable now. I suspected that there was other activity happening while he talked to me, there were alot of pauses, alot deep breathing.   I quickly ended the call.

The next call, was plans for a date, I had my reservations but I decided to meet him against my gut feeling.  It was Tuesday winter night, very quiet in the west end.  I finished work by 6pm, we had arranged to meet for dinner down the street.  I got a call at 6pm, running late, should be done by 7:30pm. Another call, closer to 8pm. Another call 9:30pm.  I stated in the last call, that if it was any later, I'd rather just stay home and put on my pj's and do it another night.

Around 9:30 Darren called, he was on his way downtown.  He needed me to find him parking, I explained that at 9:30pm there will be alot of parking.  He called again, saying he'd found parking and was I on my way yet? I said no, I was waiting to hear from him after he found parking.  He told me "get off your ass and get down here".  This is when I should've stayed home, but no, I went down to the corner to meet him.  I called my friend Kim, for support during the 2 minute walk.  I remember saying "oh shit, he's older, he's heavy and he looks bad"  I quickly hung up the phone.

We said hello, we went to one restaurant, "kitchen was closed".  Went to the next one "kitchen closed and last call" by this time it was 10pm.  As we were walking down the steps, I hear Darren say "I'd rather be at home in pj's right now".   I was shocked and stunned and immediately, pissed off.  I had a split second, and decided that was it.  I looked at Darren and said, "I'm not feeling this, I'm going home". I turned and walked away, going through alley's and back streets in case I was followed.  I called Kim, she was home and understandably confused, as we had just hung up.  She stayed on the phone with me, until I got home and was safely tucked away.  Darren proceeded to call me about 4 times, yelling and screaming at me, telling me, that I was crazy and that he was going to tell all his friends about me.  Needless to say, I wanted him too!

The beginning- searching for love

I started online dating a few years back.  I didn't have alot of time and I was new to Calgary.  I had a few friends that were online and suggested I "give it a go".  I've know a handful of couples that have met and married or met and procreated.  It was the logical move to meet men.

Of course, you have to write about yourself in your profile, which is essentially selling all your best features and leaving out the secret single behaviors ( eating olives out of the jar, not hanging up clothes, messy product filled bathrooms etc). And so it began...  I became a source of entertainment for my married, coupled friends and family.

I've always been someone that has had random things happen to me, this was no different.  After a few years of hearing you should write a book, I decided to start cutting and pasting my emails and starting "a book".  For whatever reason, I haven't started writing my book yet, but I do cut and paste the interesting emails, the random ones.

It has lead me to this, writing a blog, sharing with all those normal women and men out there that are searching for love.  Yes, truly searching for love.

One of my first online dates - meets - was at a pub in Calgary, I was nervous, because really, I don't who this person is.  All these thoughts cross your mind just from the walk from the car.  Is he there? Am I going to recognize him? Is he cute? is he the one? Is he crazy

He was there, he had a yellow street bike, and I would recognize him because he had a yellow helmut with him.  There was the yellow helmut, he was shorter, he was heavier, and he was older.   I ordered a drink (a caesar- easy to finish fast).  The conversation was light, small talk.  Somehow, the conversation went weird, he said he had to go to the bathroom, and he normally washed his genitals in the sink? WTF?

I downed the caesar, left a $5 bill and said nice to meet you, turned and walked out.